"Can we talk seriously a moment about a sensitive subject?"

There's just a few points I'd like to make:

• There's way too much talk about getting rid of pet odors.
• We pets aren't the big problem. It's you.
• How much of your hair and dead skin fall off and end up feeding those stupid dust mites down here in the carpet? They don't make deodorant sticks small enough for those guys.
• And the cigarette smoke, good lord!
• There's days I wouldn't dream of walking into your bathroom. Grandpa ain't such a great shot anymore.
• And that time you ran over the skunk! You shoulda left the convertible's top down when you drove through that car wash.
• I read a few tips about using baking soda, charcoal and other natural air fresheners to absorb odors, but let's get serious!

How about spending some of that money you're saving by not buying premium dog biscuits and hire a professional cleaner to really get rid of the human odors? It's a health issue too, you know!